Why You Feel So Much: Emotional Dysregulation & RSD in ADHD

Understanding Emotional Dysregulation and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria in ADHD

“It’s not that I’m too emotional, it’s that the world often feels too loud, too sharp, too fast for my nervous system.”

If you have ADHD or identify as neurodivergent, chances are you’ve felt overwhelmed by emotions that seem “too much” for others to understand.

This isn’t about overreacting.

This is emotional dysregulation, and for many, it’s a hidden but central part of the ADHD experience.

What Is Emotional Dysregulation?
What Is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)?
Why Does This Happen in ADHD?
What the Research Shows
Reframing Sensitivity as Strength
Practical Tools for Emotional Regulation
Therapy and Support

What Is Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation refers to difficulties in managing the intensity, duration, or appropriateness of emotions. While it’s not currently part of the official ADHD diagnostic criteria, it’s a widely recognised feature in clinical practice and lived experience.

People with ADHD often experience:

Big emotions that arrive suddenly
Trouble soothing or shifting out of emotional states
Strong physiological responses (like racing heart or sensory overload)
Emotional “afterburn” – a lingering effect long after the moment has passed

You might go from “fine” to “flooded” in seconds, even if your rational brain knows it’s a small thing.

In her research, therapist Elena Ho found that many adults with ADHD report early experiences of feeling unsafe in their own bodies, misunderstood, or shamed for being “too much” emotionally. These early patterns can lead to maladaptive coping (e.g. masking, avoidance, people-pleasing) and contribute to later emotional dysregulation.

What Is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)?

RSD is an intense emotional response to perceived or actual rejection, criticism, or failure. It’s not a formal diagnosis, but a term increasingly used in ADHD spaces to describe a specific, visceral kind of pain.

Common signs include:

Extreme sensitivity to feedback
Feeling “destroyed” by mild or ambiguous criticism
Overinterpreting neutral situations as signs of disapproval
Avoiding opportunities due to fear of failure or rejection

People with RSD often feel like they’re “walking on eggshells” around others, constantly second-guessing whether they’re liked or accepted. This hypervigilance takes a toll on mental health, relationships, and self-worth.

Why Does This Happen in ADHD?

There are neurobiological, psychological, and systemic reasons why emotional dysregulation and RSD are so common in ADHD:

1. Neurological Sensitivity

ADHD involves differences in the brain’s dopamine and emotional regulation circuits, especially in the prefrontal cortex and limbic system. This can make it harder to modulate emotional responses once triggered.

2. Reinforcement History

From childhood, many ADHDers are told they are:

Too loud, too sensitive, too dramatic
Not trying hard enough
Always “overreacting”

This chronic invalidation leads to shame, masking, and sensitivity to disapproval – core components of RSD.

3. Living in a Neurotypical World

Most ADHDers are navigating environments designed for different brains. When you’re constantly required to “just focus” or “calm down,” even at great cost to yourself, it’s exhausting. Emotional dysregulation can be a nervous system protest – a signal that your needs are not being met.

“I Thought I Was Just Broken”: What the Research Shows

Elena’s research explored the lived experiences of ADHD therapists in Singapore. Unsurprisingly, emotional intensity was both a struggle and a strength. Participants described feeling:

Crushed by criticism in early life
Hypervigilant in social and professional settings
Deeply empathic and attuned to clients because of their emotional sensitivity

One therapist shared:

“Each time there were emotions I couldn’t manage, I was moving around… then I did a course on mindfulness, and I saw my emotional regulation change completely.”

Another said:

“It actually allows me to understand my clients a lot more intimately.”

This points to an important truth: emotional dysregulation in ADHD isn’t just about difficulty, it can also deepen empathy, connection, and insight, especially when we learn how to regulate and resource ourselves (Ho, 2022).

Isn’t This Just Being Too Sensitive?

Let’s be clear: sensitivity is not the problem.

The problem is not having the right support, language, or tools to work with your sensitivity. In fact, many neurodivergent adults are deep feelers, big-hearted thinkers who sense undercurrents others miss.

Rather than seeing this as a deficit, we can reframe it as:

Emotional depth
Relational sensitivity
Body wisdom
Intuitive pattern recognition

These are strengths. But they require context, safety, and co-regulation to thrive.

What Helps? Tools for Emotional Regulation

No one-size-fits-all solution exists, but here are a few research-backed and affirming practices that can support emotional regulation:

1. Name the Feeling, Validate the Experience

Labelling emotions calms the brain. Saying “I’m feeling overwhelmed because that feedback hit a raw spot” is more grounding than suppressing or spiralling.

Try:

“This feels like RSD. I don’t have to act on it. I can let it pass.”

2. Practice Mindfulness and Interoception

Mindfulness doesn’t mean sitting still. It means tuning into your internal state without judgement. Even a 2-minute body scan or guided breathing can build awareness.

Research shows mindfulness-based interventions improve emotion regulation in ADHD adults (Poissant et al., 2018).

3. Use Sensory Tools

Many ADHDers benefit from body-based regulation:

Weighted blankets
Fidget tools
Aromatherapy
Movement (dance, walking, stretching)

Sensory input can be a direct path to nervous system regulation.

4. Rejection Scripts

Prepare yourself with compassionate scripts to challenge RSD in the moment:

“It’s okay for someone not to like me. I still have value.”
“Criticism is not the same as rejection.”
“This feeling is temporary and not truth.”

5. Co-regulation and Connection

Self-regulation often begins with co-regulation. Reach out to people who are safe, affirming, and don’t shame you for feeling big. A validating therapist can also help you build these relational templates.

Real Talk: What If I Still Get Stuck?

You will. And that doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

Emotional regulation isn’t about being calm all the time – it’s about recovering faster, understanding what’s happening, and meeting yourself with kindness.

Sometimes, the most powerful move is simply saying:

“This is hard. And I’m doing the best I can with the tools I have.”

And if your old stories scream “you’re too much,” here’s a new one:

You are not too much. You just haven’t always had the right kind of support.

You Deserve to Be Met with Compassion

Emotional dysregulation and RSD can feel incredibly lonely – but you are not alone.

At Therapeutic Space, I offer neurodivergent-affirming therapy that sees your big feelings as information – not a flaw. Whether you’re processing a late diagnosis, struggling with emotional overwhelm, or just want a place to unmask and be met as you are, I’m here to walk alongside you.

👉 Click here to learn more or book a free 30-minute consultation

Let’s reclaim the full range of your emotional self – tender, powerful, and worthy.

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